+another chapter in this reality+

A lot has happened since my last post, Paradox.

To be honest, I wanted to delete this entire blog. However, something is keeping me from doing so. It is as if I am being pulled to keep this blog up. Therefore it is staying up...at least for now. 

A LOT has went down since I published my last blog post (from September 2020). This pandemic has really opened portals in ways that I never would have imagined. A wave of lessons and frequencies have gone through me over the past two years. When I first moved into my apartment in August 2020, I fell of a marketing scam that I thought was a legit job. That sent me into nearly three months of trauma, pain, and anger. I felt a sense of failure and incompetence and even questioned my ability to live. It had gotten so bad to the point where I ended up spending a week in a mental health hospital.

While at the mental health hospital, I was able to take a break from the outside world and refocus myself. I told myself, "I am going to see that I never put myself in this kind of predicament again." Being in that kind of environment forced me to call myself out on my own shit, while also coming to terms about the ways of the world: We are NOT mean to live this way. We are not meant to live a life of bills, jobs, and strenuous societal "norms" and "values". My spirit is much too big for this reality (and I do not mean it in an arrogant way) and I damn sure did not sign up for this life. No one did. After I returned from the hospital, my mom opened up to me in ways she did not previously. I walked away from that experience not only building resilience within myself, but also gaining a better understanding of my mother.

I landed a job in November 2020 doing social media marketing for a tech company, which provided me with the financial and job security that I was desperately chasing after when I first moved into my apartment. I worked there until September 2021 and I again fell into some financial troubles. Ironically enough, I was more prepared than I was the first go round, which was God's way of telling me, "We got through this before and we can get through it again." Not only was I able to quickly tap into my resources, I picked up part-time work at a retail store and did small social media clients on the side. I applied for assistance and even got help from loved ones in my community. While at it, I continued to build up my business, Kianna Moon Marketing, LLC, all while applying for jobs and doing interviews.

Even though I had my depressing days during this time period, I took the time to go out and enjoy my life while things were developing - which is an improvement from when I first moved in. I got back into the dating pool - even dating a guy for several months - and took the evenings after work to do things I enjoy such as studying languages or watching a good movie. 

Fast forward to January 14, 2022, I land a new job at a marketing & PR firm as a Digital Engagement Specialist with a starting salary of $57,000 - a significantly higher pay than I was getting last year. I started this position only three weeks ago and I am already learning so much! I am very excited to see where this journey leads me and I will not take it for granted. 

There are no loopholes in this reality. More often than not, you have to take things for what they are and (try!) to make the best decisions you can. Self-accountability, acknowledging my fuck-ups, and building my resilience are just some of the ways I have learned lessons in my life thus far. Struggles in this life are INEVITABLE, however, we as individuals have the power to choose how we deal with those struggles. Either we can practice gratitude for the things that we have (not always material) or we can make excuses for ourselves (and other people). No matter what, our lives are the canvas. We create the picture. Give thanks to The Most High God (or whom you believe, follow, etc.) and do not be afraid of being perfectly imperfectly. 

Stay wavy~!