As the Decade Turns...

A shot I took on a strangely warm December afternoon.

As we have turned over to a new decade, there has already been a major shift in how we are approaching our goals, our desires, and the ways in which we are reacting to each other. The beginning of this year not only evokes our resolutions, but it somewhat forces us to do some deep introspection. For me personally, I have been deeply reflecting on my spirituality and how I can (continue to) live in the moment. I am constantly learning that life is stretched out - though not for a long period of time - and why wait until I am over the age of 25 to accept my imperfections and flaws when I can do that NOW? I am not only noticing this in myself, but in my Durham housemates, my fellow corps members, my co-workers at the Pauli Murray Center for History and Social Justice, and my personal relationships.

If I had to describe my time here at JSC since I have been here in August, I would say “confrontational”. I have been confronting some struggles that I have been dealing with for a long time, such as my anxiety disorder. It is normal for humans to have anxiety, but in my case, I feel emotions - both positive and negative - on a deeper and intense level. I have been confronting my anxiety learning to turn it into positive energy. Another thing that I have been confronting is this illusion of fear. I had a fear that I would not be able to fully satisfy those around me - especially in the workplace. I am still learning to confront this by taking criticism from my co-workers, in which that in itself can be challenging. However, it was refreshing to see that my co-workers cultivate the workspace in the form of a community. Despite our positions, we are a TEAM.

Hope: I am currently taking an Introduction to Digital Photography course at Duke University, in which I was enrolled by my co-worker, Barbara Lau. The fact that she sees the potential for me to grow in my art medium of photography, gives me hope that I am going in the right direction to becoming a professional photographer - which is my ultimate goal. I have only attended the first day of class, and I got the vibe of “This is where I need to be”. It was the first time I felt exhilarated like this in a few years! I feel that art is the reason I breathe, the reason I live. It is a form of healing for me, and my hope is that my work can be a source of healing for others, too.

Peace: I can say that after a few months, the Durham house - my room in particular - has become my sanctuary. My room is where I can feel free to imagine, meditate, journal, dancing, listening to music, cry, and even sit in silence. I am a woman of few words, so I take joy in listening to my housemates talking about their days at work, their love lives, families, and any other random things that come to their minds. I also find peace from walking to and from work four days a week, as it provides a form of mental relief. I am able to open my heart to nature around me and be in the moment! I am reaching a point of inner peace with my flaws and imperfections, as they are a part of who I am. I am learning to heal and love every ounce of my being, even if the world does not return that love.

Love: At a recent meeting in the Durham house, we decided to schedule house dates with each other in order to get to know each other better. I think that this is a great idea, because it a one-on-one experience, which is what I tend to be more comfortable in. I also feel that we show to most love to each other when dinner is made. Granted I do not cook as much as I used to due to making the transition to a raw diet, but all of my housemates have made wonderful meals, and I am always in awe of the expertise of Dani and Austin (haha). I also feel that we have great teamwork when it comes to our community meals, because it is one of the main ways we spend time together. As for myself, I am beginning to become more interested in loving myself than making a serious romantic pursuit, which works out for me since I will be more suited for a romantic partner in the future.

Spirituality: I recently got a tarot card reading and it resonated with me so much that I took a screenshot of it on my phone. In its exact words:

"It shows a spiritual light and intuition you have psychic energy & healing, but,, are only using 20-30% of you potential... Meditation would be very helpful for you. 5 mins a day over the next 30 days will help you develop a consistency which will allow you to create a sequence..." 

She also noted that there is stress surrounding my love chakra, which means that there is stress from my previous life and it is affecting my present life. I am digging deeper into my spiritual journey, doing a lot more shadow work, and learning to open my heart more.

I think I hit all of the major points in this blog. “Until next time, the journey continues…” 

End of Blog Song, "That's Only My World" by Deulgukhwa.